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Sungai Auk dan Kemelutku

 

27.07.2023


       somewhere along the way, we'll find ourselves, and a home to feel at peace. 

Auk River, Maybrat

I promised to leave that 'me' behind, move through and continue living my life. 

It's been 4 months and I've been living peacefully without having to interact with the left ones. And here i am, writing miles away from my hometown. 

What a beautiful journey of trying to find the meaning of my existence, of my small universe, of everything that i hold onto as my faith, through this kaleidoscope. By watching the sun goes down as the sky of Maybrat turning as red as the peaches you've seen in foreign commercials. 

Fishes are splashing down in the Auk River. Groups of Rangkong are flying back home, crossing the sky. I think it's a blessing to witness day turns into the night with the singing of cicadas and crickets, and everything in the woods are slowly getting in rhymes. Do you think it's a blessing too? 

Strange to think how far I've come to free myself from the strangled past with a lover. A lover i no longer remember or recognize. 

"Do you think you can live forever without a romantical partner?" Someone on the internet asked me once. 

To be honest, we never know what tomorrow will give. Things happen and might change what we have believed in years. And i just.. love the way i am now. Not being in love with someone in real life, just me enjoying most of my time doing the social work, spending weeks in nature with great people whom i can learn more of life. 

So, maybe i just need to stay busy to keep my mind from the thoughts of having a lover. Quite funny, but it happens to be a business oriented sorta thing. I mean, if it's not beneficial for me, i won't risk my life being with someone who's not even worth it. 

18.42

It's getting dark. In my hometown it'd be dead black by now, but in Maybrat, the sun is setting slower since we're nearer to the west. 

Working with Lifespaces, feels a bit blurry at first but as the day goes by, i start to understand it, not wholisticaly, but one by one my questions are answered. 

I feel very close with the concept of social working, connecting indigenous people to cross sectors, helping them to reach the livelihood. I got the urge to see the smile on their faces when things finally fall in places. 

It's inevitable that sometimes i got so lost and.. distant. Maybe i still need time to settle and adjust with this new environment where i need to build connections from scratch. Even so, I'd never trade the experience of working here with anything. 

I believe every good works and pure intentions is an investment and eventually will come back to you in another good form. 

I'm still questioning a lot of things, but i know that somehow, the universe will take part to answer it all. 

Sending loves from Auk River. 


-num





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