castaway

And just like that, 2022 ended right when rain comforts you the most and the touch of sun rays feel strange. Sorely, serenely, delightfully.

In a blink of an eye, a lot changes. Feelings that once familiar, fade and becoming distant. Some stories end, some into the new beginnings. New books, new hair-cut, new paints, new year. Still, there are things that stay the same no matter how many years have passed.

Is it because I’m getting older, suddenly living alone feel quite romantic to me. Pile of dishes, the smell of washed laundry, wet napkins, food that rots faster than ever, purring cats on rainy days, run out spices.. I tend to forget the beauty in small things as life gets harder.

I’ve come to realization that being a grown woman, fighting each day to fulfill my dreams is alluring, yet frightening. Living alone means that I make my own rules. And soon, my mother’s scolding is no longer the reason for me to clean up. But when the petal of roses on glass vase begin to fall off, I know it’s time to do house chores.

Days fade away and complicated things take over empty spaces in my life. It’s inevitable I understand. But I don’t want to lose the little child in me that sees everything in wondrous and curious gaze. Happiness used to be so simple.

It’s as simple as getting stunned by the floating dust as my mother swept away the dirt on the floor.
It’s as simple as watching Tangled for the first time at night after my sister brought home the CD she rent.
It’s as simple as climbing up a guava tree in backyard just to make sure the fruits are growing bigger than yesterday.
It’s as simple as getting compliment from my parents every time I took a nap on the afternoon.

But in the end, we’re all moving forward.

-num