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sampah.

 

it's crazy how a beautiful day could turn to hell in just 10 minutes.
another worst day i had to go through, with too much traumas and abuse.

being constantly told to kill yourself in that short 10 minutes
when you were already at your lowest,
at point where you could see your hanging body on ceiling
almost every fucking night, whenever things got out of control.

how do you think i was supposed to feel?

beyond words. my anger burnt like hell that i thought it's better to let demon possess me
and kill whatever stood in front of me.

unfair. life is a fucking unfair bitch.

strangely, in the midst of bursting anger, i found so many reasons to live. i didn't want to kill myself, i wanted to be alive to see him being vulnerable, and i will stand there laughing at him in the most evil way. 

thought the bastard has left the family.
i forgot about another bastard living in this family. i should have never forgiven him years ago.
what in a world did i do to deserve this?

they said that pain makes us stronger,
well fuck that.
i don't want to be stronger.
i want to feel safe.
i want to feel comfort.

and by this,
only proving that my trust issues were right.

two men who supposed to be a place where i seek comfort to
turns out being the living example of men i should never deal with.

sampah.

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