Skip to main content

ya gitu deh

 


The truth is I hate way too many things in life, even myself, sometimes. There are people I hate obviously, most of them are the ones I can’t forgive. There’s one quote telling that we can only hate something we used to love. Ridiculously, in other words to hate a lot means to love a lot. I found it relatable but only in some specific cases. I don’t know if you can relate.

But, in the end the hatred I carry in my heart only weigh me down at night. Just like Sophie said; heart is already a heavy burden itself, and with so much hatred, imagine how exhausting it would be for me to carry. So somehow, I end up trying to let go of the hatred ‘slowly’ by ‘gaining’ more things to love, mostly the things I can never be let down by. Mr. Darcy, for example, well I have a list if you're willing to see. Anyway, I am no saint, it’s not easy, you know, but loving or ignoring seem to be the best options I can choose to continue living in this miserable place.

Still, I don’t want to sugarcoat my hatred that would be so hypocrite of me cause I think there are things in life that necessarily needed to be hated, or at least, disliked. Not joking.

-num

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

ground zero.

  And now it’s over between me and the one i called ocean once,  I should’ve known that we’ll never last.  But how would I know? I was in love. 1 year and a half was short, but the love we shared was real at least for some moments. Even though it didn't last long,  Even though the fussin’ and cursin’ never stopped, we were real. There were times we grieved in silence and comforted  each other in the middle of chaos. There were times we held onto each other,  relied on each other and watched everything else fall apart,  and then one day, it just stopped. Only broken promises left,  filling this empty room along with lies that slowly unfold. I know I could never forget the pain in my rage full cry that day  when all my nightmares hunt me down till I realize,  it was never a nightmare.  It's a reality that I live in.  I just hate the fact that you made all my fears come true. Though I wish to never feel such pain again, I am grate...
Post a Comment
Read more

castaway

And just like that, 2022 ended right when rain comforts you the most and the touch of sun rays feel strange. Sorely, serenely, delightfully. In a blink of an eye, a lot changes. Feelings that once familiar, fade and becoming distant. Some stories end, some into the new beginnings. New books, new hair-cut, new paints, new year. Still, there are things that stay the same no matter how many years have passed. Is it because I’m getting older, suddenly living alone feel quite romantic to me. Pile of dishes, the smell of washed laundry, wet napkins, food that rots faster than ever, purring cats on rainy days, run out spices.. I tend to forget the beauty in small things as life gets harder. I’ve come to realization that being a grown woman, fighting each day to fulfill my dreams is alluring, yet frightening. Living alone means that I make my own rules. And soon, my mother’s scolding is no longer the reason for me to clean up. But when the petal of roses on glass vase begin to fall off, ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Shiwai Nana

  30.07.2023 SOQ ->DJJ, 8121 mdpl Aku pergi. Tiba saatnya aku meninggalkan tempat ini lagi. Kota yang akan selalu jadi istimewa di sudut hati terdalam. Walau kali ini aku tak sampai ke Womom, kampung kesayanganku, tapi rindu dan haus akan asinnya pantai Tambrauw sedikit terobati ketika kuhirup lagi udara di bukit Malakarta. Dari kejauhan, lautmu terlihat begitu teduh. Apa kau masih ingat hari cerah ketika tubuhku dibasuh hangat ombakmu kala itu? Aku berjelajah ke banyak tempat, menyusuri hutan demi hutan, sungai demi sungai, menikmati waktu bergulir tuk temukan apa arti ruang kehidupan. Berada begitu dekat dengan alam selama berhari-hari membuat jiwaku serasa terbasuh air sejuk. Rantai yang membelenggu sekian tahun, mulai luruh. Hidup memang punya segudang kejutan. Berliuk-liuk seperti Sungai Auk. Aku tahu aku suka berpetualang, namun tak terpikir olehku akan sampai di tempat yang disucikan oleh masyarakat adat.                ...
Post a Comment
Read more