I'll recover, just not tonight

While packing up my things i broke down in tears. After 2 days of feeling nearly nothing, it hits me eventually.

I know that i don't want to leave, but i have to go.
God, I want to settle down. I'm overwhelmed by this sudden burst of sorrow when it was once so empty.

Was she right about it?
That I'll never forget. That i haven't forgiven them.

It's been a year, and still feels like yesterday when i woke up and found myself in the most darkest moment by the edge of 22.

How many times should i move out just to get away from this heavy burden?
I wish everything goes slower. Just how the wave gently touches my skin as i float on the sea.

Kind of funny how they told me it's all part of growing old, as if I'm blind.

Next month I'll be turning 24, and it still hurts. Maybe she was right. I'll never forget. And i don't know if i will ever forgive.

-num

Comments

ground zero.

And now it’s over between me and the one i called ocean once, I should’ve known that we’ll never last. But how would I know? I was in love. 1 year and a half was short, but the love we shared was real at least for some moments. Even though it didn't last long, Even though the fussin’ and cursin’ never stopped, we were real. There were times we grieved in silence and comforted each other in the middle of chaos. There were times we held onto each other, relied on each other and watched everything else fall apart, and then one day, it just stopped. Only broken promises left, filling this empty room along with lies that slowly unfold. I know I could never forget the pain in my rage full cry that day when all my nightmares hunt me down till I realize, it was never a nightmare. It's a reality that I live in. I just hate the fact that you made all my fears come true. Though I wish to never feel such pain again, I am grate...

castaway

And just like that, 2022 ended right when rain comforts you the most and the touch of sun rays feel strange. Sorely, serenely, delightfully. In a blink of an eye, a lot changes. Feelings that once familiar, fade and becoming distant. Some stories end, some into the new beginnings. New books, new hair-cut, new paints, new year. Still, there are things that stay the same no matter how many years have passed. Is it because I’m getting older, suddenly living alone feel quite romantic to me. Pile of dishes, the smell of washed laundry, wet napkins, food that rots faster than ever, purring cats on rainy days, run out spices.. I tend to forget the beauty in small things as life gets harder. I’ve come to realization that being a grown woman, fighting each day to fulfill my dreams is alluring, yet frightening. Living alone means that I make my own rules. And soon, my mother’s scolding is no longer the reason for me to clean up. But when the petal of roses on glass vase begin to fall off, ...

Shiwai Nana

30.07.2023 SOQ ->DJJ, 8121 mdpl Aku pergi. Tiba saatnya aku meninggalkan tempat ini lagi. Kota yang akan selalu jadi istimewa di sudut hati terdalam. Walau kali ini aku tak sampai ke Womom, kampung kesayanganku, tapi rindu dan haus akan asinnya pantai Tambrauw sedikit terobati ketika kuhirup lagi udara di bukit Malakarta. Dari kejauhan, lautmu terlihat begitu teduh. Apa kau masih ingat hari cerah ketika tubuhku dibasuh hangat ombakmu kala itu? Aku berjelajah ke banyak tempat, menyusuri hutan demi hutan, sungai demi sungai, menikmati waktu bergulir tuk temukan apa arti ruang kehidupan. Berada begitu dekat dengan alam selama berhari-hari membuat jiwaku serasa terbasuh air sejuk. Rantai yang membelenggu sekian tahun, mulai luruh. Hidup memang punya segudang kejutan. Berliuk-liuk seperti Sungai Auk. Aku tahu aku suka berpetualang, namun tak terpikir olehku akan sampai di tempat yang disucikan oleh masyarakat adat. ...

Once upon in Pemberly;

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