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The Swimmer and The Ocean

 

blue as you can be;


Sometimes I wonder

In a world where we are nobody,
with no past, with no one to know us, just you and me..
Will we ever be the same person? Will we ever find each other?
I know I can be ridiculous at times, but today I feel the exhaust creeping in the back of my head.
Maybe it was the nightmare I had last night, of people breaking the boundaries I’ve set in life.
Maybe it was the traumatic past we recalled, that creates this uneasiness.
Maybe it was the thoughts of being married to someone and completely losing me.
Maybe I am overwhelmed by the unsaid emotions I had in mind.
Maybe it was too much.

And even after I said it all to you,
the softness in your voice resonates deeply,
you remind me how you swim very well.
Even in my deep dark chaotic ocean, you will swim over and over again, just to make sure I know that I am understood, and to be understood is to be loved.
I am loved.

After feeling numb for sometimes it was hard for me to open up,
it almost feels like no one can really love me,
but somehow you make it looks so easy to fall in love with me.
You know that I can’t picture myself being married to anyone, but you said it doesn’t matter.
“What if I stop falling in love and disappear?” I asked
and you said “i will look for you in every universe, and make you fall back in love again.”
you know how to kiss my soul with your gentle words.

I am a woman, with too much of anxieties on my worst days.
And you love me anyway.
Isn’t it strange?
How love finds you in the places you don’t seek for it.
As if the universe grants me some peace after years of battling with my own feelings,
you came to me and calm the chaos I had inside.

 -num


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