Once upon in Pemberly;

  11.12.2022 ( a dedication post for my dearest bestie, dira-chan) We lay down in this field, gazing up the sky as the glimpse of sunrays glimmering in the corner of our eyes, slowly.. it fades away. Prussian blue above us, it's like I'm diving in the sky, touching every inches of liberate that floats on the space.  Thinking about all the good and bad times we've been through since high school, couldn't help but burst in tears.  I think we did amazing to get here, to be alive despite all the struggles in life that's suffocating at times. But we're here, alive. It almost feels like I'm surrounded by grace. And we're alive. -num

  we were these fruits. all sweet and cheerful. but we rot as the first bite and never another bite. -num

And just like that, 2022 ended right when rain comforts you the most and the touch of sun rays feel strange. Sorely, serenely, delightfully. In a blink of an eye, a lot changes. Feelings that once familiar, fade and becoming distant. Some stories end, some into the new beginnings. New books, new hair-cut, new paints, new year. Still, there are things that stay the same no matter how many years have passed. Is it because I’m getting older, suddenly living alone feel quite romantic to me. Pile of dishes, the smell of washed laundry, wet napkins, food that rots faster than ever, purring cats on rainy days, run out spices.. I tend to forget the beauty in small things as life gets harder. I’ve come to realization that being a grown woman, fighting each day to fulfill my dreams is alluring, yet frightening. Living alone means that I make my own rules. And soon, my mother’s scolding is no longer the reason for me to clean up. But when the petal of roses on glass vase begin to fall off, ...

3.12.2022 Sabtu pagi, setelah rencana dadakan yang disepakati hanya beberapa jam sebelum berganti hari, aku dan rekan-rekanku melakukan pendakian ke gunung Cyclop (Robongholo). Jam tangan menunjukkan pukul 9 lewat 20 menit ketika aku selesai menyeruput teh hangat sambil menunggu teman-teman dan pemandu tiba. Setelah berkumpul dan menitipkan kendaraan di kantor WWF, aku, Titin, Kak Ros, Kak Iim, Kak Brian dan Om Amar bergegas ke pendakian. Seakan merestui, semesta menghadiahkan cuaca adem ayem. Cerah, namun tak terik. Kurang lebih 15 menit berjalan menanjak, meninggalkan rumah penduduk di belakang, memasuki hutan lebih dalam, lebih intens. Jalan bercabang yang kutemui adalah pemberhentian pertama, pada titik ini aku masih baik-baik saja, stabil, bernafas dengan leluasa. Menunggu Titin, Kak Ros dan Om Amar menyusul, aku menikmati suara jangkrik sahut-sahutan dari sudut hutan yang tak tersentuh. Ada banyak jenis pakis disini, palem yang menjulang tinggi, pohon lingua, beberapa jati juga m...

I love the feeling of waking up at 5 p.m after taking nap for 3 hours straight. Like i can hear someone playing clair de lune from the backyard with slower pace, everything moves so gracefully. It's so ethereal, like I'm still living in my dream and for a few minutes the world just feel so quiet. I can peacefully picture my body floating in the air. Everything feels so light and calm. Sometimes i want it to last forever, this nostalgic dreamy evening. -num

  19.11.2022 I think it was a quite simple day. A normal lazy day that i adore so much. Woke up at 5 a.m., fell back sleep, and finally totally awake at 7:36 a.m. Fed my beautiful cats, Luna and Navy by 8, opened my laptop, not to work, just checking any good movies to watch on lazy weekend but soon got distracted so I laid on my bed scrolling through Youtube and Pinterest for 2 hours straight. And so I decided to tidy my room a little bit, changing sheets, broom all over the house, guess what? I got super excited cause I found my lost capo! It was under my bed all this time, goodness. Well thank God, I don't have to buy another one. Then I sat down a little bit, cooling down my sweaty ass in front of fan, zoning out while Utha L’s Esokkan Masih Ada replaying in the background. Then I decided to watch Jennifer’s Body and eat some snacks too, obviously. Practically it was my breakfast. Beng-Beng Max with nuts in it I think, new innovation or what-so-ever it is. Oh I had orange ...

  Agats,  21 oktober 2022 Dan tiba saatnya aku juga tim akan meninggalkan Asmat. Seminggu lebih berada disini, sedih rasanya mengetahui waktu berpisah sudah dekat. Aku bertemu banyak orang baru, dengan karakter yang sangat berbeda. Ada orang-orang baik yang terus menemani, membimbing, mengajari hal baik di tempat ini. Kadang terheran-heran, di tengah semua duka batin yang tertoreh, ada segudang peristiwa indah yang dituliskan dalam takdirku. Jika hidupku adalah sebuah film, maka awal 20an ku perlahan beralih dari mellodrama menjadi adventure. Selama perjalanan pulang dari Kampung Erma Sona kembali ke Agats, untuk beberapa alasan aku menjadi sangat melankolis dan tidak bisa lagi membendung air mata. Ini hanya seminggu, tapi mengapa hatiku begitu terhubung dekat dengan tempat ini? Aku merasa dekat dengan diriku. Ini tempat yang begitu asing, tapi sudut hatiku tergelitik untuk berlama-lama menyusuri kota ini. Langit yang memerah di sore hari dan aroma kukis sedang dipanggang k...